Carrying for a Solo Parent: 7 Things Surrogates Who Have Done It Want You to Know Before You Decide

There is a preference that comes up consistently during surrogate intake calls. When women are asked what kind of intended family they are hoping to carry for, a significant number say they would prefer a couple.

It is a completely understandable preference. The image most people carry of a surrogacy journey involves two people, a partnership, a shared dream. A couple divides the emotional weight of the process between them. There is always someone to send the midnight text to. There is always someone to share the news with when the beta comes back positive.

But here is something Ash Saverino, who leads Nascency’s intake process as a Lactation Educator Counselor, Childbirth Educator, doula, and experienced surrogate, has observed across dozens of intake conversations: the surrogates who end up carrying for solo parents very rarely say they wish they had carried for a couple instead.

What they say, more often than not, is that the experience surprised them in ways they did not expect. That the relationship was different from what they had imagined. That the solo parent’s singular focus, their wholehearted presence, their specific kind of need, produced a connection that felt unlike anything they had anticipated.

This blog is not an argument that carrying for a solo parent is better than carrying for a couple. It is an argument that the preference deserves to be examined before it becomes a decision. Because if you rule it out without understanding what it actually involves, you may be closing a door on an experience that other surrogates describe as one of the most meaningful of their lives.

Who Solo Intended Parents Actually Are

Before anything else, it is worth having an accurate picture of who solo intended parents are, because the image some surrogates carry when they hear the term does not always match the reality.

Solo intended parents pursuing surrogacy include single men who have always known they wanted to become fathers and spent years planning for it. Single women who face a medical condition that makes pregnancy impossible or inadvisable. Gay men pursuing parenthood independently. Women who did not find a partner at the time they had hoped to but chose not to wait. People who lost a partner. People who always wanted to parent alone by design.

Single parent surrogacy empowers individuals to build the families they have always dreamed of, and these families navigate specific considerations that come with being a sole parent. What they share is that the decision to pursue surrogacy alone required more deliberate commitment, more planning, and more courage than it requires from most couples, because every piece of it rests on one person. surrogacy

Single intended parents often face challenges that couples do not. Max, a single father from Austria who used surrogacy, faced significant negativity, dismissive comments, and prejudices in his home country where surrogacy is uncommon. By the time a solo parent reaches matching, they have typically navigated more obstacles and carried more weight than most couples their agency has worked with. circlesurrogacy

Understanding this changes how a surrogate sees the relationship from the start.

The Relationship Dynamic Is Different. That Is Not a Warning.

When surrogates who have carried for couples describe their relationship with the intended parents, the words that come up most often involve balance. Communication with one person, then the other. Milestone moments celebrated together. Decisions made between two people who then relay the outcome.

The surrogate relationship with a solo parent has a different shape. Not better or worse. Genuinely different in ways that surrogates consistently describe as unexpected and positive.

Single intended parents are often deeply involved in every step of the process, as they take sole responsibility for decision-making and preparations for their future child. This level of involvement can create a collaborative and rewarding experience for both the surrogate and the intended parent. Many surrogates appreciate this direct connection, as it allows for open conversations about shared goals, expectations, and milestones throughout the pregnancy. surrogacy

That word, direct, is the one that comes up most. With a solo parent, there is no relay. The surrogate and the intended parent talk directly. Decisions are made in conversations that include both of them rather than reported back from one partner to another. Milestones are shared between two people rather than reported into a couple.

Since there is not a second parent involved, the surrogate and intended parent may develop a more personal and focused connection, with more frequent one-on-one communication and shared milestones throughout the pregnancy. surrogacy

Research published in PMC examining the bonds between gestational carriers and intended parents found that close contact with intended parents helps the surrogate focus her emotional bond on the intended parents rather than the baby, and that open relations with matching levels of expectations between both parties generally result in high reported satisfaction for surrogates. nih

When the entire relationship is between two people rather than three, the conditions for that kind of open, direct bond are often more naturally present.

What Surrogates Say About Carrying for Someone Who Is Doing This Alone

The most consistent thing surrogates who have carried for solo parents report is that something about the solo parent’s situation activated a particular kind of care in them.

This is not the same as attachment to the baby. Gestational surrogates understand from the beginning that the embryo is not theirs genetically, and that clarity about the baby’s identity is one of the things that makes the relationship with the intended parent possible. What surrogates describe is something more specific: a heightened awareness that this person, whoever they are, is building this family entirely on their own. That there is no one else in the room when the news comes. No one to absorb the fear when something takes longer than expected. No one to share the sleepless night between a beta draw and its results.

That awareness, for many surrogates, produced a sense of purpose that went beyond what they had anticipated.

Circle Surrogacy reports that surrogates often say they do not want to worry about their intended parent, and that seeing the intended parent has genuine support and is not alone on the journey is meaningful to them. circlesurrogacy

For a solo parent, that concern is real and it is visible. They are, in fact, doing this alone. And the surrogate who sees that clearly often finds herself bringing something to the relationship that she had not expected to offer.

What Is Actually Different About the Process

There are practical differences between carrying for a solo parent and carrying for a couple, and being clear about them serves surrogates far better than glossing over them.

Decision-making is centralized. With a couple, decisions are sometimes made between the two intended parents before being communicated to the surrogate. With a solo parent, decisions come directly and often more quickly, because there is no internal consultation required. Surrogates who value directness tend to find this a genuine plus.

The support system looks different. A solo parent pursuing surrogacy is required by most reputable agencies to identify a support person before matching, someone who can accompany them to the birth, serve as a backup contact, and be present during significant milestones. The support person is also someone who might get to know the surrogate during the process, so that the surrogate feels comfortable with the intended parent and sees that the intended parent, while single, is not on this journey alone. For the surrogate, this usually means meeting a slightly wider circle of the intended parent’s people rather than a narrower one. circlesurrogacy

Communication is one-on-one throughout. Every check-in, every update, every milestone conversation is between the surrogate and one person. Surrogates who have experienced both describe this as producing a different kind of intimacy in the relationship. Less mediated. More direct. Some find it more comfortable. Some find it requires more of them. Both are honest responses, and knowing which you are before matching is exactly why the preference conversation matters.

The post-birth moment is different. When a baby is born into a couple’s arms, there are two people to absorb that transition. When a solo parent receives their baby, there is one. Many surrogates who have carried for solo parents describe the post-birth moment as one of the most moving they have experienced in their journeys, precisely because the weight of it and the joy of it are entirely visible in one person’s face.

What the Research Says About Surrogate Wellbeing and Intended Parent Involvement

The quality of the relationship between a surrogate and her intended parents is one of the most consistent predictors of how a surrogate experiences her journey. This is not anecdotal. It is one of the most robust findings in the published research on gestational surrogacy.

Research shows that feeling supported by the intended parents had a positive impact on surrogates’ experiences throughout the surrogacy journey. This finding corroborates existing research that investigated surrogates’ mental health during and after their journeys. oup

The same research found that being a surrogate had taken a physical toll on some participants, and for most, continuing to be a surrogate involved emotional labor and effort to maintain relationships with the families they helped. The quality of the intended parent relationship, specifically how supported and seen the surrogate felt, shaped how that emotional labor was experienced. oup

The level of involvement that solo intended parents bring to every step of the process, taking sole responsibility for decision-making and preparations for their future child, can create a collaborative and rewarding experience. Many surrogates appreciate this direct connection. surrogacy

Solo intended parents, by the nature of their situation, are often highly involved, highly communicative, and deeply present. They cannot afford not to be. And for a surrogate whose sense of purpose is connected to feeling genuinely seen and valued in the relationship, that presence matters.

The Question Worth Sitting With Before Matching

Ash’s observation from intake conversations is not that surrogates should carry for solo parents. It is that the preference for a couple, when it is not examined, can close off a category of journey that other surrogates consistently describe as among the most meaningful.

Here are the questions worth asking yourself before deciding how you feel about this.

What specifically is drawing you toward a couple? Is it the reassurance that the baby will have two parents? Is it a sense that a couple creates a more stable home? Is it something about the dynamic of the relationship you imagine having? Getting specific about the why helps you evaluate whether those concerns apply to any particular solo parent you might be matched with, rather than to the category as a whole.

What matters most to you in the intended parent relationship? If the answer involves directness, one-on-one communication, and being genuinely central to someone’s story rather than one of several relationships they are managing, a solo parent match may deliver exactly that.

Are you open to being surprised? The surrogates who describe carrying for a solo parent as unexpectedly meaningful are almost all women who went in with some degree of openness rather than a firmly closed door. Not an eager preference. Just a willingness to consider it.

What do you want this experience to mean? Some surrogates describe their most meaningful moments as the ones where they felt most directly connected to the impact they were having. Carrying for a person who is building a family entirely on their own, who has no one else to share the news with and no one else to call when the beta is positive, is a particular kind of impact. Knowing whether that resonates with you is worth the consideration.

7 Things Surrogates Who Have Carried for Solo Parents Want You to Know

1. The relationship feels different from the start. Not more or less, just different. More direct. More focused. Two people building something together rather than two people plus another couple.

2. Their investment in the relationship is not divided. A solo parent cannot turn to their partner when the conversation gets complicated. They turn to you. Surrogates consistently describe this as producing a sense of being genuinely needed that felt different from carrying for a couple.

3. They have already done the hard work. By the time a solo parent reaches matching, they have made decisions that most couples make together, alone. They have been to every appointment alone. They have processed every piece of difficult news alone. Their resilience is real and it tends to be visible in the relationship.

4. The support system is there, just arranged differently. Reputable agencies require solo parents to identify support people before matching. The surrogate typically meets these people early in the journey. The village is smaller but it is intentional.

5. The post-birth moment is unlike anything else. Surrogates who have been in the room when a solo parent received their baby use language that is hard to replicate in a blog. The word they reach for most is complete. One person, one baby, a family that just became real in a single moment.

6. The preference is worth examining, not abandoning. Nobody is asking you to carry for a solo parent if it does not feel right. What Ash is observing from intake is that the preference is sometimes based on assumptions that dissolve when the actual match call happens. Being open enough to have the conversation costs nothing.

7. The surrogates who have done it rarely say they would choose differently. That is not a guarantee about your experience. It is the most honest data point available.

What This Means for the Matching Conversation

At Nascency, matching is not a placement process. It is a conversation. The team does not assign surrogates to intended families. They make introductions based on genuine compatibility and then let both parties decide.

If you have a preference for a couple, that preference will be part of your profile and it will be honored. Nobody will pressure you into a match that does not feel right. That is not how this works.

What the team may do, particularly if you are open to it, is introduce you to a solo intended parent whose profile genuinely resonates with what you said you were looking for, even if you had not originally imagined them as a solo parent. And then let you have the match call and decide for yourself.

Most of the surrogates who ended up carrying for solo parents describe that call as the moment the category stopped mattering. The person in front of them was specific and real and clearly, visibly, ready to become a parent. The conversation made the abstract preference irrelevant.

That is what the matching process at Nascency is designed to do: introduce you to a real person and give you the information you need to make a decision that is genuinely yours. For more on how the matching process works, read: The Matching Process: Making the Journey a Success.

For more on what to expect throughout your surrogate pregnancy once a match is established, read: Pregnancy Expectations for Surrogates.

To learn more about what your full surrogacy journey at Nascency looks like, from application through postpartum, visit nascency.com/surrogates.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to be open to carrying for a solo parent to apply with Nascency?
No. Your preferences about intended family structure are part of your profile and they are respected throughout the matching process. Nobody will pressure you into a match that does not feel right.

What is different about the surrogacy process when the intended parent is single?
The medical and legal process is structurally the same. The process for single individuals is no different from couples in terms of screening, evaluation, and the surrogacy journey itself. What changes is the relational dynamic, the communication structure, and the post-birth experience. americansurrogacy

Do solo intended parents have support systems in place?
Reputable agencies require solo intended parents to identify a support person before matching. This support person may travel to the birth, serve as an emergency contact, and get to know the surrogate during the process so the surrogate feels comfortable seeing that the intended parent is not alone on this journey. circlesurrogacy

Do surrogates who carry for solo parents report different experiences than those who carry for couples?
The research consistently shows that surrogate wellbeing is most strongly predicted by the quality of the relationship with the intended parents, specifically by feeling supported and seen. Many surrogates who carry for solo parents appreciate the direct connection, more frequent one-on-one communication, and the focused nature of the relationship. The experiences reported are not uniformly better or worse. They are different in specific ways that resonate strongly with some surrogates. surrogacy

Is it appropriate to have a preference about intended family structure?
Completely. Your preferences matter and they shape the matching process. What Ash observes from intake is that preferences deserve to be examined rather than assumed, because the surrogates who went in with an open rather than a closed door to solo parent matches often ended up in journeys they describe as among their most meaningful.

What does the match call with a solo intended parent actually look like?
A match call is a conversation between you and the intended parent, facilitated by Nascency. You ask questions. They ask questions. You get a real sense of who they are, what they are looking for, and what the relationship might feel like. Most surrogates who have had match calls with solo parents describe those conversations as surprisingly ordinary in the best way. A person who wants to become a parent, talking to a woman who wants to help someone become one.

---

Sources

1. Surrogacy.com: Navigating Single Parent Surrogacy:
   https://www.surrogacy.com/blog-post/navigating-single-parent-surrogacy
2. Circle Surrogacy: Is Surrogacy for a Single Man or Single Woman Possible?:
   https://www.circlesurrogacy.com/post/is-surrogacy-for-a-single-man-or-single-woman-possible
3. Fertility and Surrogacy Legal: Single Parent Surrogacy Legal Guide (2026):
   https://fertilityandsurrogacylegal.com/single-parent-surrogacy/
4. American Surrogacy: Single Parent Surrogacy:
   https://www.americansurrogacy.com/parents/single-parent-surrogacy
5. Physician’s Surrogacy: Surrogacy for Single Men:
   https://physicianssurrogacy.com/blog/surrogacy-single-men/
6. Physician’s Surrogacy: Surrogacy for Single Women Complete Guide 2026:
   https://physicianssurrogacy.com/blog/surrogacy-for-single-parents/
7. Illume Fertility: The Joys and Challenges of Single Parent Surrogacy — Julien’s Story:
   https://www.illumefertility.com/fertility-blog/single-parent-surrogacy-juliens-story
8. Elevate Baby: Surrogacy for Single Men:
   https://elevatebaby.com/blog/surrogacy-for-single-men/
9. IFG IVF: Surrogacy for a Single Parent — Everything You Need to Know:
   https://ifg-ivf.com/blog/surrogacy-for-a-single-parent-everything-you-need-to-know.html
10. Joy of Life: Understanding the Surrogacy Process for Single Parents:
    https://joyoflife.com/blog-post/understanding-the-surrogacy-process-as-a-single-intended-parent/
11. PMC: Surrogacy Relationships — A Critical Interpretative Review:
    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7721025/
12. Human Reproduction: It’s All Settled on the Right Page — Surrogates’ Feelings Two Decades On:
    https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/39/12/2734/7762930
13. Core.ac.uk: Single Men’s Experiences of Egg Donation and Surrogacy:
    https://core.ac.uk/works/149923448
14. CBC First Person: Being a Surrogate Is Magical, Mundane and Unlike Anything I’ve Ever Done:
    https://www.cbc.ca/lite/story/1.6826597
15. Nascency: The Matching Process — Making the Journey a Success:
    https://nascency.com/blog/the-matching-process-making-the-journey-a-success/
16. Nascency: Pregnancy Expectations for Surrogates:
    https://nascency.com/blog/pregnancy-expectations-for-surrogates/
17. Nascency: For Surrogates:
    https://nascency.com/surrogates/
18. Nascency: Learning Center:
    https://nascency.com/learn/