Key Considerations for Intended Parents: Defining Your Surrogacy Journey

At Nascency, we understand that surrogacy is a deeply personal experience, and every intended parent has unique values, boundaries, and preferences. Taking the time to reflect on these considerations can help create a smooth and positive relationship between you and your surrogate.

One essential question to ask yourself is:

“Are there any particular values, boundaries, or considerations I’d like my surrogate to keep in mind?”

To help you think through this, we’ve outlined some important topics and key questions to consider:

1. Communication & Relationship

Establishing clear expectations for communication helps build a comfortable and trusting relationship. Consider:

• How often would you like to communicate? – Would you prefer regular updates (e.g., weekly check-ins), occasional updates, or only as needed?

• What’s your preferred communication method? – Do you like texting, phone calls, video chats, or in-person meetings?

• Would you like to be involved in key milestones? – Consider if you’d like to attend medical appointments, ultrasounds, or be informed when the baby first kicks.

2. Medical & Health Preferences 

Your surrogate will follow medical guidance from her doctors, but if you have preferences, it’s important to discuss them upfront. Think about: 

• Do you have any preferences regarding medical decisions? – For example, pain management during delivery, induction preferences, or C-section considerations.
• Are there specific dietary or lifestyle choices you’d like respected? – Some intended parents prefer their surrogate to follow a certain diet (e.g., organic, vegetarian, or high-protein) or maintain a certain level of activity.
• What are your thoughts on vaccines and medications during pregnancy? – This includes flu shots, Tdap vaccines, and any medications that may be recommended during pregnancy.

3. Emotional & Ethical Considerations 

Surrogacy is not just a legal or medical process—it’s an emotional one. It’s important to discuss ethical considerations and personal comfort levels regarding:

• Selective reduction or termination – How do you feel about reducing the number of embryos in the case of multiples or terminating due to severe medical complications?
• Sharing updates on social media  -Are you comfortable with your surrogate sharing her surrogacy journey online, or would you prefer privacy?
• Cultural, spiritual, or religious beliefs – Are there any traditions or practices you’d like honored throughout the pregnancy?

 4. Birth & Post-Birth Plans 

Birth is an exciting and emotional moment. Clearly defining your expectations ahead of time can help prevent misunderstandings. Consider: 

• Would you like to be present in the delivery room? – Some intended parents prefer to be there for labor and delivery, while others wait nearby.
• What are your wishes for immediate post-birth bonding? – Do you want skin-to-skin contact right away? Would you like the surrogate to hold the baby?
• Do you envision any role for the surrogate after birth? – Will she provide breast milk? Would you like to stay in touch afterward? 

5. Privacy & Boundaries

Every intended parent has different comfort levels regarding how much personal information is shared. You might want to consider: 

• What aspects of the journey do you want to keep private? – Do you want to limit discussions with extended family, friends, or on social media?
• Are there personal boundaries you’d like to maintain? – How much do you want to know about your surrogate’s personal life, and vice versa?

6. The Long-Term Relationship

Some intended parents and surrogates develop a lasting friendship, while others keep their relationship focused on the pregnancy. Ask yourself:

• Would you like to maintain a relationship after birth? – If so, what might that look like? Occasional updates, holiday cards, or in-person visits?
• How do you see your surrogate’s role in your baby’s story? – Would you like your child to know about their surrogate and the journey that brought them into the world?

Final Thoughts

These questions help create clarity, alignment, and a strong foundation for your surrogacy experience. By openly discussing your values and preferences with your surrogate, you can ensure a positive, respectful, and fulfilling journey for everyone involved. 

At Nascency, we are here to guide you through every step of the surrogacy process. If you have any questions or need support in defining your expectations, our team is always ready to assist you.